the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
