My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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