Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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