it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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