allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
