I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
