Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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