ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
