Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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