hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
