I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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