Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
