Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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