The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
