i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
