My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
