She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
