Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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