Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
two words...techno handjob
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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