paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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