This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Alive.
So much puke
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
