when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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