We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
