the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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