she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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