I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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