My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
