i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
