But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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