I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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