Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
