wanna go halves on a baby?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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