i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
