You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
