I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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