Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
