I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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