I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
