He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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