well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
