Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
