If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
