Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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