I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
