well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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