Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
