Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
