Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
