these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
