I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
