I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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