hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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