A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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