She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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