so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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