did you get engaged???
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
