Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
