CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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