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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
