spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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