I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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