dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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