I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
